Decent tits. Adequate body. But what really hooked me was the low-mileage stink cutter. Take a good long look. Zero creases, no blemishes. It's literally nothing more than a dot... so darn adorable you'll almost forget Cocoa Pebbles come out of it.
For fuck sakes, I don't know what's funnier: Her insta-reaction to an unannounced home run swing to the colon, or the noise it made on contact. Sounded like someone tried getting that last squeeze out of a Heinz ketchup bottle HAHA.
Girl lasts about as long as nacho cheese at a feminist rally... then tries to blame it on her supposedly tight stinkwrinkle. Right. 'Hispanic' and 'tight anus'. 3 words that have less business being in the same sentence together than Comedian Amy Schumer.
Does she look familiar? This is the iron-willed Ruski that said "no" to colon bowlin 78 times in a row in eFukt's POTP compilation. Turns out she actually shot a follow-up scene. One with a lot less "no" and a lot more "OOOOOOUCHIES"!
I like her. Mild-mannered, and emotionally sedated. To win her over I'd pull out all the stops: Netflix The Notebook, learn how to cook artisinal Spaghetti-O's and come to terms with shit like "u need to text me more than once a year". The things I do for love.
Bumwholes brutally invaded at the hands of men with worse depth perception than Stevie Wonder. No, this isn't my review for the Amy Schumer XXX parody. It's five reasons why that $95.00 payday and a Wendy's coupon book isn't worth doing porn.
Poor bastard actually convinced himself going skin-on-skin with a hooker's cosmic brownie was a good idea. Well, I've got news for you Jacko, the future isn't looking too bright. Familiarize yourself with the jock itch aisle at Rite Aid now. Trust me.
Early model pornstar and anal apprenticeship not required. Just find yourself an open-minded member of your local YMCA chapter, lure him in with promises of kentucky fried gift cards and let the surgical repair of those major internal organs begin.
It took 25 years and endless attempts, but I finally found something drier than Al Gore's personality. All he ever wanted a taste of her bacon ring. All she ever asked for was the tiniest amount of prepwork. Somewhere in the middle they found each other. And enough friction to make Galileo reboot the fucking laws of inertia.